Miss Me -But Let Me Go.-Im Loving Memory of Mom10/6/41-4/30/06

This April 30th, I lost the most beautiful woman I have ever known. My Mother. To a disease that is the ugliest sickness known to man or woman. Cancer. It either spreads slowly, or rapidly.In Mom's case it was the latter. We don't actually know where it originated from,or how long she had had it,but know it persevered in her lower region in her pelvic area and liver and worked it way through her fragile body.Shutting her major organs down putting her to sleep peacefully which is what we wanted. She went in to the clinic a Monday on the 24th of April, was sent to the ER, had a bag packed already so must have known something was up.I flew up to New York on Wednesday to see her, where she was still in the ER and was in great spirits-cracking jokes and in pain, but managing-that's just mom - high pain tolerance- I get that from her-doesnt want to bother anyone- sweet as pie.I fixed her hair and all and made her comfortable. They moved us to a second room but still Er located. Mom's pain is increasing, so they worked with her to get her on a morphine patch and new room by by Friday. In between this time the family is taking shifts back and forth the by staying vigil at mom's bedside with someone constantly there so if she wakes up she won't be scared if no one is there. It's not long now . Mom's breathing is labored and she is in and out of conciousness mostly out.Her sense of humor is still there though. Eddie came to visit her after work as he is a copand she briefly woke up and peeped one eye open and whispered - "what are you gonna do? arrest me? " and went back out again..I called Tom to say its time to bring the kids up but thought we had more time some doctors said a week more some didnt know. Saturday we all hung out at the hospital and bit by bit went home to get some rest Doug Steph , Deb n SeAN decided to stay. Dad and I were there for the day and decided to get some rest. Doug came home later and at 12:30 Doug got a call from Steph saying we needed to go back to the hospital . We got there , and Mom was gone . She had just passed away shortly before we got there. Her breathing got labored and just stopped. Bless her heart she went peacefully and painlessly due to the morphine. She was only 64 years old.I called Tom and he flew up with the kids on Monday and we attended the wake and funeral on Tuesday and Wednesday. What a sendoff. The whole 6th precinct showed up to pay their respects, as did Doug's work -C. W. Post staff and her insurance company and all of her family and friends. More that 150 people signed the guest book but there were ALOT more than that we're sure- they just didn't sign. because they were lined up outside the door. 0h the flowers!They were gorgeous- as was the church-it was a wake and funeral fit for a Queen as was it should have been. As was mom to us. It was what she deserved and the least we could have done.She was the most selfless,giving, caring , loving woman I have ever known in my life with a heart of gold an eternity wide. She volunteered at Helen Keller services for the blind,She taught religion for the physically and mentally handicapped,she did hair for the seniors and befriended them and became close friends with them beyond doing hair for them, If there ever was an angel incognito , it was my mother- Carol.God blessed her with a a set of shiny gold wings , this I am sure of.Her illness was brief and death was sudden, this I am both thankful for and deeply saddened by and don't believe I will fully get over for a long long time.Call me greedy, but I love my mother to pieces, and I want her back. I'm not ready for her to go yet. I'm too used to calling her every week to tell her I love her and seeing how she is and letting her talk to her grandson and just to hear her voice and sweet smile. And her infectious laugh.I have that memory in my heart locked up tight, But I still crave the real thing. I miss you mom soo much. I know you're happy where you are, But we're in agony missing you down here. We love you Mom. Always have, Always will. And look forward to seeing you again one day when the time is right, and will do our best to make sure we make it there. For now, please watch over us and guide us with your loving ways as you have when you were here on Earth. I love you Mom. I miss you. God how I miss you. Now we all are home and I wont say back to normal because things will never be back to normal without her in our lives but lives are back to a sense of what they were before all of this. Just a link of the chain is missing and we're all trying to make do.We're trying to mend each others hearts in the process when needed. One day at a time. When the time comes when one of us needs a little extra support, We're there for each other. God Bless You and keep you safe in his Loving arms .Funny, One thing Mom always used to say is, " Everytime you hear a bell,it means an angel gets his wings." Well Mom,every time I hear a bell,I'll be thinking of you and saying a special prayer. God Bless. Youre a wonderful woman who will be sorely missed here on Earth, But thankful there watching over us as always.

When I come to the end of the road and the sun has set for me,I want no rites in a gloom filled room. Why cry for a soul set free? Miss me a little-but not too long And not with your head bowed low. Remember the love that we once shared. Miss me- but let me go. For this is a journey we all must take, and each must go alone. It's all a part of the Master's Plan, a step on the road to home. When you are lonely,and sick of heart, go to the friends we know and bury your sorrows in doing good deeds.Miss me -but let me go.-Im Loving Memory of Carol Sturm 10/6 /1941-4/30/2006