One Year Today...

Today marked the one year anniversary of Mom's death. It wasn't a very happy day, I started it last night actually by ordering flowers online -- the same type of flowers I had dedicated from her funeral spray from Me and the family- yellow roses and stargazer lillies and snapdragons- Stargazer lillies are kinda my signature flower to know its from me :) . I had them sent to Deb's house so when she went to the cemetery to visit Mom today, she could take them with her and place them at Mom's stone for me. That's the thing about being way down here- I can't visit my family or Mom when ever i want like they can and it really pisses me off and Tom has no inclination of ever moving back -.After I ordered the flowers, I called Deb and let her know the flowers would be coming tomorrow, then went to bed and said a prayer for Mom and broke down and had a good cry after talking to her took her picture of us on my dresser and went to sleep. I woke up an hour or so later and called Doug and dad and chatted a bit told them I loved them, we talked of Mom then hung up and went back to sleep as I had to get up early and volunteer at Thomas' school at the book fair his school is having. It did me good as it took my mind off for a while, and before I knew it, it was 10:30 and time to go home.By the time I got home, made lunch, took care of Brendan and housework, the day was half over . My mind was pretty much occupied for the day. Before I forgot I went to church and lit a candle for Mom and said a prayer for her to the Blessed Mary. Then I had to race back and go pick up Thomas from school and by the time I was home it was 3:10, and I had to keep them quiet for the rest of the day because Tom works from home doing conference calls all day so that's always fun - yeah so are getting shots! Before we knew it it was time to make dinner and then off to bed and time to relax This day just whizzed by. It's almost as if I didn't have time to reflect and mourn and miss Mom - I kinda feel guilty! I still have that empty hole in me that i wonder if will ever go away .. I'm thankful my mind was kepy occupied, but still had the solemness that kept Tom a bit baffled as to what the hell was wrong with me today - He thought I was mad at him- I said today's the anniversary of my Mom's death- I'm just not in the mood today - he was like "oh yeah"... and just left me alone. Little by little the hole will heal I guess. The question is - Do I ever want it heal??Anyway, I love you Mom, we miss you, always have, always will. Thank you for watching over us and keeping us safe, and may God Bless you as well, as you are at peace now and free from sickness . You're where you spent half your life teaching others about His wonderous love, life and eternity. What goes around really DOES come around! "Live in me and I shall live in you".. Ironic..:) God Bless You Mom You are forever loved and missed.