My Baby Has Downs!

I got the results of my Alfa Feta Protein results back, and it seems that one of My boys {Nicholas} has Downs Syndrome- [trisomy 21} The other {Thomas} is fine the placentas are in two different areas, so the doctor's are talking about a selective reduction. Oh, this is terrible! How can they make me make such a decision?! apparently, the baby also had a heart condition that happens with Downs babies often- they develop a septal valve problem, and also they noticed Nicholas' heart was pumping backwards-where even if they do open heart surgery on him as soon as he was born, his survival rate is slim. So Thomas would grow up and never know his twin brother. This is so sad. I have to make this decision and I have never cried so hard in all my life - thank goodness Tom was at work that way I could let it all out. If the neighbors heard me, { which I'm sure they did} I'm sure they must have thought I 'm some manic depressant who needed to be taken to the looney bin I was crying so hard! I'm going to lose my baby and he isnt even born yet! I soo badly dont want to do the procedure! I have a choice, to NOT do it,and one day I said yes to do it, then the next day to NOT do it, then yes , then no, Then was threatened that our marriage would not survive if I don't go through with it- Oh yeah - that helps- bring on the salt! reason finally set in and I know I have to make the right choice and not the selfish one - I don't want my son to grow up in pain and suffering with countless possible operations and possibly not even making it past his first month so we'll spare him and decide to go through with the procedure. he might not live anyway because we found he has only 3 chambers to his heart - even with surgery - we don't know how that can be fixed so he'll be better off in heaven with God and I can be at peace with that knowing he'll be looking down on us keeping us safe and being our Lil Guardian angel. The procedure date is on September 20th in Philadelphia at 11:30. Lord please forgive me.

What The?? Ohh Nooo!

Tell me this isn't happenning! I went to use the bathroom and there was this bright red bleedingthat just started running down my leg as I was trying to make it to the bathroom-I was like tryinfg to wake Tom up going "babe", "Babe" and he's dead asleep- mumbling "mmm?" I said " I can't stop bleeding! 'He's like wha! and that woke him up! and so it was off to the hospital to figure out what was going on. and of course the took forever getting me checked it I'm like Hello? bleeding pregnant woman over here? canwe just get me checked out before something really goes wrong? If not already?"I didn'y have any pain or cramping, I thought I was miscarrying, but this was after my third month , but who knows/ Maybe one could be happening anyway- with my body- its so messed up-I wouldn't put it past it-I had a miscarriage just last year anyway - maybe I was having another only milder- cause that one hurt like hell!. hours later, after checking me out thoroughly and me feeling like I lost a quart of blood , it turned out I have a hematoma in the anterior aspect of my uterus- the babies are fine- they has no clue what was goin on and were unharmed. Thank you God! Doctors orders-rest the pelvis- whatever that means- guess n sex or whatever or anything having to do with that area, stop work- fine with me! people are buttnuggets at my work anyway! and plenty of bedrest-sounds cool- what ever I need to do to make sure these babies arrive safe and healthy you got it. and Follow up with doctor on 8/25.
8/25-----just spotting no bleeding- just old blood keep up with bedrest just in case- other than that everything looks great - I was a good little patient - Thank goodnessthat nightmare's over!

Dum Dum De Dum!

Yesterday Tom and I got Married ! I am 3 months pregnant with twins, and just starting to show a little teeny bit but not alot-man do I get hungry! I'm eating us outta house and home! Everyone says you get tired real fast, but I'mnot so tired - maybe its all the oj I'm drinking like mad thats keeping my energy in check! I'm so excited though! and another cool thing , BOOBS! I actually have boobs ! I went from a AA cup and am already a b! I wonder if theyll get bigger...LOL Anyway, Tom and I didn't go for a big lavish wedding, since we decided I had been married before , and went down that road already , and he's not into big giant affairs, and we have a new baby{babies- did I mention we were having twins?I STILL can't believe that!} coming soon that we have to prepare for and save for , we found it smarter to save the money for that - nursery, furniture, formula, etc.. - So we got married by the Justice of the peace in Vienna, Va. And His Friend Tony was our witness and Photographer. No Honeymoon either.we'll do something nice though, go out to dinner or something. But boy was it hot! An August wedding is definitly a killer! We couldn't wait to get our shorts and tanktops back on again! So it's official, I am now Mrs. Thomas Higdon, the mother of his children- I guess wishes really DO come true!

And It's a Big Fat +!!

Well, I got back from the store with the test, and I'm scared to death to take it., but took it, and waited an extra five minutes to look at it, and Boy was it Blue!! And an hour os so later Tom called me From Texas to check up on me to say hello and see what's up, and I say coyly "nooothinnn"he says "tell mee"I said " well, I haven't been feelin myself lately and well, I decided to take a pregnancy test, and well, it kinda came back positive"he said " oh really!?" not mad , just more excited and shocked kinda in a way more than anything. like Okayy..so from then on we agreed we were gonna get married soon and made an appointmet with the O/B and got the ball rolling.The next appointment the O/B had was July 11th , so that's when we go.

Feelin' Funky

Ok, so lately I've been feeling a little under the weather. A little sluggish, a little tired. a bit hungry too. But don't know for what. I could be what. I could be coming down with something, who knows? maybe my period's coming.When WAS my period last? NOT GOOD if I can't remember that! Tom's in Texas right now so I can't ask him- He wouldn't know anyway- not that he would make it a point to remember such things-or would WANT to! Hmmm... maybe I should get a pregnancy test to check it out just to make sure...I CAN"T be pregnant! my parents would KILL me! my mom would have a stroke as religious as she is! Well that would be something... all those starss I've wished on to be Tom's wife and to be the mother of his children and it finally comes true? Only one way to find out...