My Baby Has Downs!

I got the results of my Alfa Feta Protein results back, and it seems that one of My boys {Nicholas} has Downs Syndrome- [trisomy 21} The other {Thomas} is fine the placentas are in two different areas, so the doctor's are talking about a selective reduction. Oh, this is terrible! How can they make me make such a decision?! apparently, the baby also had a heart condition that happens with Downs babies often- they develop a septal valve problem, and also they noticed Nicholas' heart was pumping backwards-where even if they do open heart surgery on him as soon as he was born, his survival rate is slim. So Thomas would grow up and never know his twin brother. This is so sad. I have to make this decision and I have never cried so hard in all my life - thank goodness Tom was at work that way I could let it all out. If the neighbors heard me, { which I'm sure they did} I'm sure they must have thought I 'm some manic depressant who needed to be taken to the looney bin I was crying so hard! I'm going to lose my baby and he isnt even born yet! I soo badly dont want to do the procedure! I have a choice, to NOT do it,and one day I said yes to do it, then the next day to NOT do it, then yes , then no, Then was threatened that our marriage would not survive if I don't go through with it- Oh yeah - that helps- bring on the salt! reason finally set in and I know I have to make the right choice and not the selfish one - I don't want my son to grow up in pain and suffering with countless possible operations and possibly not even making it past his first month so we'll spare him and decide to go through with the procedure. he might not live anyway because we found he has only 3 chambers to his heart - even with surgery - we don't know how that can be fixed so he'll be better off in heaven with God and I can be at peace with that knowing he'll be looking down on us keeping us safe and being our Lil Guardian angel. The procedure date is on September 20th in Philadelphia at 11:30. Lord please forgive me.